We’ve heard them all before. At some point in our lives, we tall people began being taller than everyone else. And since some people didn’t find it obvious enough that we were super tall, they gave us catchy nicknames to make sure everyone knew we were tall. As is if being enormous wasn’t obvious enough.
These names come in many variety, influenced by region and heritage. To make their listing easier, we arranged them by category or class. Please share this with your friends to let them know that yes, we have heard it all before.
The Un-creative Class: “Big ___”, “Tall ___”, etc.
This is the most common and actually the most personable of all the classes. Just take the name of an obviously tall person and add “big” or “tall” in front of it to make it even more obvious. For example, “Big Mark,” or “Tall George.” Or even “Big Ben” for double points.
Bean Class: Bean Pole, String Bean, etc.
This class dates back as far as the string bean itself. For more variety, try “Long Bean.”
Mythical Beast Class: Sasquatch, Bigfoot, The Abominable Snowman, Yeti, Skunk-Ape
The mythical beast class is likely the most fun but also potentially the most offensive group of names. It’s kind of nice to be called Yeti from time to time, but Sasquatch is just downright offensive.
Irony Class: Shorty, Little Guy, Tiny
Perhaps the most unpleasant and the class most likely to start a short-lived tall-person-short-person feud, the irony class should be used sparingly, if at all. If used, the short person may realize all too quickly just who it is that is short after all.
Basketball Player Class: Yao Ming, Shaq, Shawn Bradley
The Basketball Player Class varies widely from insulting to complementary. “Shaq” — complimentary. “Shawn Bradley” — them be fightin’ words.
Animal Class: Giraffe, Heron, Llama
This group hardly warrants a class as most people just settle on the obvious “Giraffe.” However, at times more creative options are employed: “Heron” — for the tall person made up mostly of leg, and; “Llama” — for the long-necked and unfortunately ugly tall person.
Building Class: Skyscraper, Eiffel Tower, Sears Towers
Indeed, tall people do feel objectified from time to time — as rebounders, shot-blockers, and ceiling-cleaners — but what better way to send that home than to refer to them as mere inanimate objects: buildings.
The Not-cool-enough-to-get-a-class class: Jolly Green Giant
Ok, ok, apparently this big guy was ranked as the third best advertising icon of the 20th century and is immortalized in a 3-ton statue in The Valley of the Jolly Green Giant, Minnesota. But still, he seems like a washed up marketing scheme from the 90’s and is due for retirement as a nickname.
If you’ve called a tall person one of these more offensive nicknames in the last month, make it up to them and get them a TallSlim Tee. For men and for women.