Being tall is great, except for, among other things, the bizarre questions people ask you. Here are few of the ones we could all do without hearing ever again:
1. “How tall are you?” *Waits for answer.* “Wow, that’s … TALL!”
Yeah, the reason you asked was because you noticed that I was tall, so why is this news surprising. Does it really matter whether it’s 6’6” or 6’9”?
2. “How tall are your parents?”
The supersleuth of the group always wants to follow my genealogy as far back as they need to.
“My parents? Well, my dad is 5’11”, and my mom is 5’6”.”
“Hmm, I don’t believe that. How tall are your grandparents?”
“OK, my grandfather on my dad’s side was 6’3” –”
“– That’s it! See, I knew it was somebody.”
Congrats, you win a medal for finding a member of my family taller than 6’2” and acting like you accomplished something.
3. “How’s the weather up there?”
4. “You play(ed) basketball, right?”
Do you realize how hard it is for me to even duck under a doorway in time? Don’t let my height fool you. It doesn’t mean that I’m also athletic.
5. “If you had a baby with
, that kid would grow up to be really tall!”
Glad to know that I’m going to be paired off to breed like I’m a racehorse or something. And what happens if our kids aren’t really that tall — since that’s not really how it works? Am I just stuck raising my not-so-tall kids with this stranger?
6. “Hey, can you grab that thing for me?”
NOPE, BUT I’LL GIVE YOU A RIDE TO HOME DEPOT, WHERE YOU CAN BUY A LADDER!
7. “Let me tell you about some other tall person I know.”
This one happens when I meet people for the first time. Apparently, their version of relating to me is to tell me about another tall people they knew growing up, as if I could relate to it.
Sometimes, I pretend like I know them because, you know, all us tall people look out for each other. Other times, I respond with a characteristic about them: “That’s interesting! I actually know a brown-haired person like you. We had English class together.”
No one seems to find these responses funny except me, but that’s OK.
8. “Can you stand in the back?”
I’m nearsighted, so can I not this time?
9. “I feel so short next to you.”
I’m … sorry?
10. “I wish I was that tall. That would be great.”
Oh yeah? Well, be careful what you wish for. People will ask you a lot of weird questions, and you’ll struggle like hell to find clothes that fit.